I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
