Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
