Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
