I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
