hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
