I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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