i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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