I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
