I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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