I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
