I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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