How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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