farters have to be the big spoon...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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