I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
