you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
