He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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