I just threw up on my dentist
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
