You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
