the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
