There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
