You made me cry and you don't even care
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
