Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
