i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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