My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize