Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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