I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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