Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I did not marry a roomba.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
