Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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