So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
