at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
