It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
