..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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