he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
