...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
a search helicopter?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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