i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
