If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
