I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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