just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
