Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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