: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
