Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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