I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
