I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
