If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
