i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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