my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
