Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you didnt know i had herpes?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
