if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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