is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
