Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
