Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
