I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
