My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
