Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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