just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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