The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
