Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
