It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
