Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
