i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Blood and glitter go together right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
