she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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