I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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