I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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