she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He has the fingertips of a God
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