Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
