I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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