my being single is dangerous.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
