Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
