We won't sleep together?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
