So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
