I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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