when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
