Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
