smell my finger.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
