peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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