i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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