What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
