i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
