So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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