i just had sex bonerless
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
