I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Terrible idea I love it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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